Happy MAY guys! Friends! Loves! Amazing souls. Take a listen to Chelsea Cutler – Your Shirt (while you’re reading and you’ll feel how I feel) and now… Let’s recap the last time I’ve sat down and explored my feelings. BUT FIRST…
Love will flourish and heal your wounds – it’ll take you back to a place only you could dream of, your happy place.
In the arms that puts me together when I can’t hold myself, the sunset that blooms into closure, and the wind that pulls my hair away. I can see it creating ripples in the water while the sunlight is gazing at me – that’s my happy place,
I present to you, Clear Lakes.
It’s been quite some time since I’ve last been here and talked to you all. How are you? I hope all has been well and productive. Of course, we understand that I’ve taken some time off this month for some head space. I want to make this chapter better and enhance my lifestyle in ways that can and should improve my future. As my parents constantly stress to me about choices… I want to do more than just the average and prove to myself the life I’m capable of living. With the right support and direction, anything you do is yours and possible, as cliche as that sounds, it’s true.
Happy April, by the way! It’s the 4th day in, have you done anything you were always afraid to do? Jumped out of your comfort zone? Don’t stay stagnant.
I finally jumped into the pool with my sister. I usually get freaked out thinking that I’m going to hit the concrete. We swam and then glazed our eyes over with the moonlight. It was a bit hazy then the stars became so clear and bright after. It made me think about how we used to lay under the stars when we were young in that big house of ours. Our room was so big that our windows displayed beautiful sunlight and moonlight every time the moon or sun would shine. They both complemented each other so well that it always made me appreciate day and night.
We stayed up till 3AM. My brothers, sisters and the boyfriend who is now like our own brother. We talked. We watched the night sky. We ate. And hell sure, laughed and gained more knowledge about our past lives. It’s crazy to think how much we’ve grown and how quickly time has passed; it’s as if our age never increased. We are still the same people we were when we were young.
Our last night was spent in the jacuzzi. We cooked up an amazing dinner, but every dinner we have is amazing so… Can I just say, we haven’t had 3 course meals in so long that I didn’t hate myself for feeling so bloated afterwards. It was absolutely wonderful – our spot is the kitchen. My parents for one are wonderful people. They’re the strongest human beings I’ve ever gotten to know and although it’s been a rough upbringing, I thank them everyday of how blessed we are. I don’t wish we were anything else than what we are now.
Learning is best when you open up your heart and eyes to hold and have what’s in front of you.
I miss the loudness of all of us being together.
It was great.
My sleep was great.
Everything was just perfect.
I’ve prepped myself mentally for this relaxed place. I left empty handed and came back with a refreshed mindset. I’m not ready for any relationships or processes of any sort that relates to that. I still feel unready and I’m for sure not looking for anything, no rush for love when I’ve already got all the love I need right here. As I said before, I am sticking to strengthening my relationships with my family and friends this year. I constantly build and cherish the times I spend with them.
Time is ticking, every single day so make the best of it.
I keep losing motivation. Waves of emotions. Constant worries. But I am trying my best to enjoy everything that is coming my way. I am just riding this wave till I can catch a grip again. You’re probably wondering how I’ve been and what I’m feeling. You’ve guessed it. Better. 7/10.
I haven’t been contacting a lot of my good friends since Wednesday of last week and I miss them. I’ve been keeping close to home and those in the area but now I’m back and trying to see everyone I haven’t seen since last month. I’m glad I have friends who check up on me and wish me greatness. It feels great knowing I have support.
My niece. My love. My only baby. All the kids that I’ve attached myself to, they’re my everything. I sometimes forget how important they are when I’m stuck in my head. She’s a great subject to shoot when I’m feeling creative and edgy. She’s perfect. All the kids are. She’s more inclined to tag along with us and she could talk your ears off. She reminds me of myself and every single time she’s with us, she continues to become more of me each time. Her spoiled and sense of sassiness is all me.
Get out of your head and take a breather every once in awhile. You learn more about yourself when you’re around those who push you harder than you push yourself.
Love is learned.
Find your happy place. People are your lessons to be learned. Your life. Your growth. So keep riding the current and swim against it when you need to. Have a beautiful day!
Keep up with my social media!*
I hope you’ve been having a great start to 2017 and have been doing amazing.
We’re half way into March, oh how quick the time passes us by. DAYLIGHT savings has been zooming and I feel like the year is almost over. I’m basically 30 already. Okay, I’m being dramatic, but you get the point.
It’s time to shine. Your time to find inspiration. Don’t stop creating and craving. As I reiterate, the world is yours. You are bright and beautiful. You are the star that will continue to shed its dust even when you disperse into the far, far ends of the galaxy. You are love but you are no longer my light.
It’s been a week since my last update and I’ve been busy. I do apologize for being so caught up in myself but again, you can’t expect too much from me. I tweeted out the other day that I felt like my life was under a microscope and the pressure was a bit too high in demand which I’ve stated out to a friend last week when we went out for pizza and beer. I needed to unplug from the world, settle and relay these past few mishaps that occurred. I just wanted to live.
I spent the weekend with my family and found flashes of creativity. The weather was amazing too! I was able to let the breeze whisk me away and get lost within myself. It was peace, bliss and serenity all in one. I paused for a second and finally let time stop. I looked around and appreciated all that I had then ran towards my niece to play hide and seek. I love them to death and couldn’t imagine my life any other way. As we all ran in the tall grass being carefree, it made me feel lifted, weightless and good. It was as if I stopped time again and captured a memory I would replay over and over vividly.
I’m still putting all my effort and time into positivity and acceptance. As much as I would like to to say that I’m great and doing well, I’m actually just coasting. I still miss the very person who broke me (so, so hard). My eyes are becoming less watery but my heart is still sore. I couldn’t ever hate the person who helped me find myself besides, we all know how I truly feel anyway.
It’s all been emotional waves and sensitivity that’s been reoccurring in my days. My grandma has been telling me that when things are meant to be, I’ll never feel the complications of force pulling against me, it should only work with me. And I could say that was true. Throughout my entire relationship with him, we both always felt like we were fighting a fight that couldn’t be won; constant battle if we should just give up or keep on pushing and in the end… it became something we already knew the ending to. We just kept going against it in hopes that it would work out and be much more, but the truth was always there. We were just running away, together and from each other as crazy as that may be. As I would like to call us, ‘almost’ – so close, yet so far.
I’ve been nothing but obsessed with Khalid, been playing his album nonstop and I don’t even understand how I’m not tired yet. It’s speaking volumes right now. My favorite lines are, “Maybe you weren’t the one for me, but deep down I wanted you to be.” Take a listen.
This is a new time for me. A time where I only identify myself with only me and no one else.
Today, you let go.
(yes… yes it is)
TOP: Hollister Co, Target / BOTTOMS: H&M / FOOTWEAR: Forever 21 / ACCESSORIES: Alex & Ani, The 5th Watches, Tilly’s Cap, Choker from Forever 21
Funny story: My idea about this outfit all came based upon the statement piece, the camo jean jacket. Casual right? Simple. I’ve been on the hunt for this damn thing for three weeks now, but originally the spark came from my nephew’s sweater. He wears it often and it triggered a need in me where I had to get a hold of it. It was so fashion forward and timeless. I stopped looking for it after realizing how crappy other materials were then a couple days ago, we went to my second home (target) for baby clothes and bam, I stumbled upon it while we were walking towards the checkout. It’s true, the best things come when you’re not looking for it. THANK THE LORD, I fit kids sizes! CONTINUE TO BE TRENDY 🤙
#MONDAYMOOD – I burnt my knuckle from the curling iron in the morning. Made an official new friend after class and bonded over our awkwardness. Then he found a ladybug who landed on my cap after talking for a good 30mins or so. Went home after and then, two more ladybugs ended up on me again. Let’s call this luck. We both used to have butterflies fly around us every so often and it stopped when the relationship ended. So, what does that mean? Heck, who knows. Symbolism comes in all different shapes and forms. Let’s just say this is the ‘new awakening’ to moving forward, learning to accept the outcome and letting go of what isn’t meant for me so I can embrace what is.
I’ve been connecting really well with new people who has encouraged me to see happiness. My own happiness. I thank you, for giving me so much more than just the dull and ignorance. Plus, the reassurances that I’ve needed.
May this week be another blessing into the jar. Stay lifted. I love you.